The StarStorm: Sector 2

Stardate: 07.50.12272012

Manon: We've resolved into normal space, Captain. Confirmed that we are in Zoltan space.

Xin Xin: Excellent. Maybe we'll be able to find more crew, here. An energy being like a Zoltan might have some uniquely electrifying.... talents.

Manon: What is going on here?  I've plotted our next jump, Captain.

Stardate: 07.52.12272012

Oni: We are being hailed, Captain...

Zoltan Research Station: Greetings, Captain. My name is Doctor Stelly. You seem to have traveled quite a long way. Is your crew well?

Xin Xin: I think so, Doctor. Except for Ferry.  He seems to be crying a lot, lately.

Doc Stelly: Oh?  Perhaps it is a side effect of stasis during prolonged FTL travel?  We excel in that area of research and would be happy to run some scans on your crew.

Xin Xin: I don't know...

Manon: YES PLEASE.

Doc Stelly: Excellent. Please initiate docking procedure. We shall commence the non-invasive scans, immediately.

[Time passes]

Xin Xin: Well, that was painless.

Manon: What were the results, Doctor?

Doc Stelly: Oh, there are no results, as yet, Lieutenant. I'm afraid we are simply collecting data to sift through at a later time. Here's a bunch of scrap for your troubles, however.

Manon: Damn it.  I was hoping... (whispering) is it possible that hyperspace travel can make humans... randy?

Doc Stelly: Oh, it's entirely possible.  We have no idea whether it's true or not, yet, but yes, it's entirely possible. 

Manon: Let's get out of here, Captain.  Course plotted.

Stardate: 07.52.12272012

Ferry: Mantis scout off our port bow!  

Oni: WARNING!  We have been boarded. Moving to intercept.

Xin Xin: Berko, stand by to support Oni if necessary. Commander, take them down!

Ferry: Aye, Captain!  

Xin Xin: Damn, they've teleported to the bridge!  I need some help, here! Falling back to the observation deck.

Ferry: On my way, Captain!

Manon: We're hit!  Engines are down!

Xin Xin: Oni, fall back to the med bay!  Keep those weapons online!

Manon: I've got partial engines...!

Xin Xin: Ow... Everyone, fall back to the med bay!  The nanobots will keep us healed until we can fight these bastards off!

Manon: I could use a hand back here!

Berko: Berko is on his way.

Ferry: Manon!  I swear... if I survive this, I will bear your children!

Manon: It doesn't work that way, you asshole!

Xin Xin: GOT 'EM!  Squashed those bastards.  All right, heal up and everyone get back to your stations.  Let's finish that ship off!

Berko: Systems are critical. 20% operational.

Xin Xin: Uh... does that include your lower half?

Manon: Fix the bridge, Captain!

Xin Xin: Oh.  Of course. Berko, get healed up and meet me on the bridge!

Ferry: Their weapons are down. Wait. We've got 'em! 

Xin Xin: Well done, people. That was a close one.  Status?

Manon: All systems are back online. I have a couple of scrapes and bruises, but I'll survive. The ship's hull is down to about 80%, but everything seems intact.

Ferry: I can give you a little sexual healing, if you'd--

Manon: Heading to sick bay.  Course plotted, Captain. We've also salvaged a missile, a drone part, and 27 tons of scrap.

Xin Xin: Excellent. Laying in cou-- Where are you going, Berko?

Berko: The bridge has been repaired, Captain. Berko is returning to shield ops.

Xin Xin: Oh... But I have something ELSE for you to repair... Right here.

Oni: Captain... Manon is repeatedly stabbing herself in sickbay. 

Stardate: 08.13.12272012

Manon: There's a trading station off our port bow, Captain. They're hailing us.

Xin Xin: On screen.

Trade Station: Greetings!  Oh, humans! Mostly... Welcome!  We have crew available as well as some weapons. And it looks like your ship could use a bit of patching up. Docking bay 3 is open and waiting. 

Xin Xin: Acknowledged. Let's see what they have, people.

Manon: Hmm, we are being approached by a Rockman, a slug, and a Zoltan, Captain. Seems they seek crew work.

Xin Xin: Mmm. The Zoltan should be useful. We'll put her on shields.

Berko: But Berko is--

Xin Xin: Don't worry, Berko, we'll find... SOMETHING for you to do.

Manon: This is just highly inappropriate.

Xin Xin: Commander, make sure we stock up on some missiles. We're too low on scrap for any hull repair, at the moment. We'll be all right for a while, yet. All right, back to the ship. Let's get out of here.

Manon: Course laid in, Captain.

Stardate: 08.18.12272012

Manon: We've resolved into normal-- Captain! We're under attack by a Zoltan pirate!

Xin Xin: Blast. Their Zoltan shields will be a problem. Take it down! See if our Fire Bombs can penetrate! 

Ferry: It's armed to the teeth, Captain!

Xin Xin: All crew, brace for impact. Mara, let's see how you do with shield ops.

Mara: Yes, Captain.

Manon: we've taken a hit to our port side! Hull is intact.

Xin Xin: Take that Zoltan shield down!

Ferry: Aye, Captain! Firing.

 Manon: Ahh! Our engines have taken a hit!

Ferry: Are you all right, gorgeous?

Manon: Shut the fuck up. Berko, get down here, help me fix this thing.

Berko: Yes, Lieutenant.

Ferry: Their shields are down!

Xin Xin: Launch an Artemis into their weapons bay! I don't want it firing too many more of those rockets!

Ferry: Targeting now, Captain.

Xin Xin: INCOMING ROCKET! BRACE FOR IMPACT! Taking evasive action!

Manon: It's missed us... Nice flying, Captain!

Ferry: O2 systems have been ionized. Should be back online in two seconds!

Xin Xin: Acknowledged.

Ferry: Direct hit on their shields and weapons. Redirecting lasers at their weapons bay.

Xin Xin: Take them down!

Manon: Medical bay's been hit! Berko, you're done, here... get over to sickbay!

Berko: Understood.

Ferry: Got 'em! Collecting salvage.

Manon: We've got 2 tons of fuel, a drone part, and 25 ton of scrap!

Ferry: Let's celebrate in my room!  That's not a fire control key in my pants... I'm just really happy to see you!

Manon: Please, stop.  I'm going to medical bay to get these cuts looked at.  

Berko: Repairs complete.

Manon: OH... Berko. I didn't know you were still here.

Berko: Affirmative. Returning to bridge.

Manon: Oh, my.... he DOES have a nice ass.

Xin Xin: Picking up a distress signal. Plotting jump coordinates myself, on this one.

Stardate: 07.52.12272012

Xin Xin: God damnit!  Asteroid belt!  

Ferry: Two ships battling in the distance, Captain... A Zoltan and a Mantis!

Zoltan Ship: Your presence here will continue to be tolerated, but please do not interfere, Captain.

Xin Xin: Hmm. Probably not a good idea to get involved. Though the salvage might help us in the long run. I don't like fighting it out in the middle of an asteroid field, though. We've only got one shield layer, after all. We're jumping out.  Lieutenant, plot a course.

Manon: Aye, Captain. Drives are spooling.

Xin Xin: Let's hope one of those rocks don't make it past our shield.

Manon: No such luck!  We've been hit!  Our Oxygen Reclamators are on fire!

Xin Xin: Berko, Oni, get down there!  I'm jumping us out, NOW!

Stardate: 08.34.12272012

Station: Captain! We will trade you drone for fuel, if--

Xin Xin: Not now, we have a crisis on board! And we don't need drone parts!

Station: No need to be rude.  Geez.

Berko: Fire extinguished. Repairs complete.

Xin Xin: Whew. Nice work. Get to med bay and heal up. We'll wait for O2 to return to 100% before jumping out.  Plot a course, Lieutenant.

Manon: (cough cough) Aye, Captain.

Ferry: Sounds like a bad cough, Manon. Why don't you let me coat your throat with a little something-something?

Manon: You're a pig.

Ferry: Please?

Oni: We are healed. We will keep you company, Commander.

Ferry: Wait, what?  

Stardate: 22.52.12272012

Manon: We're back in normal space. Being hailed by a Zoltan security checkpoint!

Xin Xin: Way out here?

Zoltan Checkpoint: Travelling vessel, you will submit to crew profiling to identify fugitives of the empire.

Xin Xin: You're kidding me.

Manon: What should we do, Captain?

Xin Xin: If it were our own system, I'd throw a fit, but considering we're in the Zoltan system, I'd rather not start an intergalactic incident. Prepare for profiling, folks.

Manon: I don't really like where this is going, Captain.

Xin Xin: Try to stay calm.

Zoltan Security: This person is wanted on five charges of Utter Villainy! Surrender them to us!

Xin Xin: Shiiiiit.

Ferry: Captain....?!?

Xin Xin: I'm not letting them take Berko! To arms!

Ferry: Are you shitting me!? He's just a robot!  

Manon: They've teleported crew on board and sabotaged our weapons systems!

Xin Xin: Damnit, Commander, if you hadn't been whinging, you could've spotted it!  Fire whatever we got on that thing... Buy us time until we can jump out.  And get these bastards off my ship! 

[Sounds of fighting]

Oni: Boarding party hassss been terminated.

Xin Xin: Good. Prepare to jump out as soon as the engines spool up!

Manon: Working on it, Captain!

Ferry: O2 reclamators have been taken out!  

Xin Xin: Berko, do me proud, and you'll get a little extra sumpin' sumpin' tonight.

Berko: Affirmative, Captain.

Manon: Course plotted!

Xin Xin: Getting us out of here!  Full burn!

Stardate: 23.03.12272012

Manon: We've dropped into a nebula, Captain.

Xin Xin: Looks safe.  For now.

Ferry: I don't suppose you ladies would like to--

Manon: I'm attracted to women.

Xin Xin: I have a talking dildo.

Ferry: I hate all of you.

Manon: Jump plotted.

Stardate: 23.16.12272012

Manon: We're in-- We've got trouble, Captain!  We're being hailed by a Zoltan ship. They're under attack and requesting assistance.

Xin Xin: Fine. Let's see how they do against us when our weapons aren't half crippled! Moving to intercept.

Manon: Enemy ship is now on an intercept course. The Zoltan ship that hailed us has jumped out!  Cowards!

Ferry: We'll have to cut through their Zoltan shields, first.

Xin Xin: Do it!

Manon: We've taken a couple of glancing blows. Hull down to 50%.

Xin Xin: Commander?

Ferry: Zoltan shields down!  

Xin Xin: Good, take out their weapons as quickly as you can!

Ferry: Aye, Captain. All batteries targeted on their weapons array.

Ferry: AHH!  I'm hit!  Lasers are down!

Xin Xin: I'll send Berko in to help with repairs... Hit them with the rockets!

Ferry: Got 'em! But I think they got off another volley!

Xin Xin: Brace for impact!

Manon: Minimal damage! 

Ferry: Weapons back online!

Xin Xin: Excellent. Arm lasers. Take them out. Save our missiles if you can.

Ferry: Aye, Captain. Firing.

Xin Xin: Almost.

Ferry: One more volley should do it!

Xin Xin: They're breaking up. Nice shot, Commander.

Manon: We've managed to salvage 3 tons of fuel, a drone part, and 32 tons of scrap.

Xin Xin: Excellent.

Ferry: Whew.  I guess thanks are in order, Berko.

Berko: This unit simply performs as directed.

Ferry: Mm, yes, I can see that.

Berko: Does Commander Ferry require servicing?

Ferry: Well, I would-- wait, I thought you were male?

Berko: This unit has no gender, but is built to accommodate organics as needed.

Ferry: You mean you can switch-- WHOA.

Berko: This unit is prepared for servicing.

Ferry: You mean, I can just put it in-- ooh.

Xin Xin: Berko!  Where are you?

Ferry: Uh... Berko is... um.... still working on repairs, Captain.

Xin Xin: Oh, fine.

Berko: Berko gets cigarette?

Stardate: 23.32.12272012

Manon: We've found the exit beacon from this sector, Captain.

Xin Xin: Understood. Prepare for jump.

Manon: There's an abandoned space station, out there, Captain.  Looks like some equipment we can use.

Xin Xin: Very well, bring it on board. What've we got?

Manon: 14 tons of scrap and an Anti-Ship drone, Captain!

Xin Xin: Not bad.  Commander, we'll have to nab a drone bay at the next station.

[Silence]

Xin Xin: Commander?

Oni: The Commander isss otherwise occupied, Captain.

Xin Xin: With... what? All he does is press random buttons on the weapons console.

Oni: Thiss one is not sssure.

Xin Xin: Never mind. Let's get out of this sector.

[Sector Jump Initiated]

The StarStorm: Sector I

Ship

Name: StarStorm
Class: Kestral
Initial Weaponry: Artemis Rockets, Burst Laser II

Crew

Captain: Xin Xin (Human Female)
Engineer: Manon (Human Female)
Weapons: Ferry (Human Male, lucky bastard)

Black Box Recording

Stardate: 21.14.122612

Xin Xin: All systems nominal. Prepare for hyperspace jump. Manon, please plot our course.

Manon: Aye, Captain. We have two jump beacons available at this time. I suggest we head toward galactic "south."

Xin Xin: Very well, Lieutenant. All hands, prepare for hyperspace.

Stardate: 21.17.122612

Ferry: Captain! I'm detecting an ion signature off our port bow!

Xin Xin: I have eyes on it, Commander. It's a Rebel Rigger, and it's on an intercept course! Shields to full. Target shield bay with the Artemis, Commander!

Ferry: Aye, Captain!

Xin Xin: Lieutenant, keep engines at half power until the rockets take out their shields, then switch to full!

Manon: Aye, Captain!

Xin Xin: It's powering up its FTL drives. We can't let it go...! FIRE!

Ferry: Firing.... They're shields are down!  Burst lasers have partially destroyed their warp drive. Powering down Artemis rockets. Switching burst lasers to target their weapons systems.

Xin Xin: Excellent. Engineering, get those engines to full!

Manon: Aye, Captain, already done!

Ferry: Their weapons have been disabled, Captain. Redirecting fire to their engines.  One more volley should do it!

Xin Xin: Let's take them down!

Ferry: You're a valkyrie, Captain!

Xin Xin: Excuse me?

Ferry: I'm sorry, this is just so exciting!

Xin Xin: Well, keep your head, Commander. War is horror!

Ferry: Ahem.  Aye, Captain.  Two more hits!  They're breaking apart, Captain! And they never even made it past our shields.  Huzzah!

Manon: Uh... All systems nominal, Captain. Setting engines to half power.

Xin Xin: Thank you, Lieutenant. Commander, power down weapons. Were we able to salvage anything?

Ferry: Most assuredly, Captain. One missile, a drone part, and 22 tons of scrap metal.

Xin Xin: Excellent, stow it in the cargo bay.

Ferry: Aye, Captain.

Xin Xin: Lieutenant Manon, please plot out our next jump. While you're at it, I suggest we upgrade our reactor, so that we don't have to swap power between engines and weapons. Hopefully, we avoid any more patrols.

Manon: Aye, Captain. Plotting course toward the galactic core. I will make sure our reactor is upgraded before we come out of hyperspace.

Xin Xin: Thank you, Lieutenant. Coordinates entered, prepare for jump.

Stardate: 21.29.122612

Xin Xin: Oh, my.

Manon: Captain?

Xin Xin: We've arrived at a binary star system. It's quite beautiful. Sensors indicate no ships or hazards within the system. I think we should gather in the galley for some dinner and sight seeing.

Ferry: Why, that sounds like a fabulous idea, Captain!

Manon: Agreed!

Xin Xin: It's settled, then. We'll meet in the galley at 1900 hours.

[Time passes]

Xin Xin: Lieutenant, Commander, please, have a seat. The reclamator will have our food prepared in a few minutes.

Manon: Oh, you were right, Captain. A beautiful view.

Ferry: Ah, but it holds barely a candle to the binary stars that sit before me at this table!

Xin Xin: ...

Manon: ...

Ferry: I was... referring... to the... radiant beauty of the two of you.

Xin Xin: I... know... It's awk--

Manon: OH, LOOK, THE FOOD IS HERE.

[Sounds of eating]

Ferry: So, Captain... how is the bridge, these days? I'd love to join you up there, some time. Learn a little about piloting, perhaps...?

Xin Xin: I don't... think... that would be--

Ferry: The weapon's bay is very cold, you know.

Xin Xin: I really think--

Ferry: Perhaps the two of you would like to join me in my quarters, later?  There's something I simply need to show you.

Xin Xin: I... think I'd better get back to the bridge.

Manon: I'm setting the next jump on the remote unit from here, Captain. Coordinates should be ready for you by the time you get to the FTL controls.

Xin Xin: Ahem... Thank you, Lieutenant.  Good evening, Commander.

[Footsteps fade]

Ferry: But... we haven't... What about dessert?

Manon: Excuse me, Commander, I'd better get the drives spooled up.

[Footsteps fade]

Ferry: ... It's... it's just not fair...

Stardate: 21.45.122612

Ferry: Captain, I'm picking up a ship.

Xin Xin: Yes, Commander, we've been hailed. Pirate slavers, I'm afraid.  They're asking for a crew member for our freedom.

Manon: Really??

Xin Xin: Yes... Really... Hmm.........

Ferry: Uh.... You... you wouldn't...

Xin Xin: Well.........

Ferry: Not funny, Captain.

Xin Xin: Oh, all right. FIRE ALL WEAPONS!

Ferry: Mm.  So hot.

Xin Xin: Don't make me regret my decision.

Ferry: Firing weapons, Captain.

Ferry: Direct hit on their shields and weap-- We've been hit, Captain!  Fire in the starboard cargo bay!  And our shields have been ionized!

Xin Xin: Understood. Venting atmosphere in the cargo bay. Keep firing, Commander. Save missiles, if possible.

Ferry: Aye, Captain!  I love it when you take charge.

Manon: Uh... fire has been extinguished, Captain. Shields back online.

Xin Xin: Excellent... Shutting bay doors. Let's take them out.

Ferry: Mm, yeah.  Two more direct hits, Captain!

Xin Xin: They're hailing us to surrender. Offering to free a slave if we will cease fire. I'm agreeing to it. Better we save the slave than send him into the vacuum by continuing to attack these scum.

Ferry: Your graciousness stokes my virility, Captain! Let's save us a slave!

Manon: Are you serious!?

Xin Xin: Ignore him. Taking the freed slave on board now.

Berko: Greetings. I am designate Berko.

Xin Xin: An Engi!

Berko: How may this unit be of service?

Xin Xin: Hmm. Know your way around shield technology, Berko?

Berko: Affirmative. This unit has extensive knowledge of deflection technology.

Xin Xin: Off you go, then.  Mm.  I know it's a machine, but it does have a nice rear.

Ferry: What was that, Captain?

Xin Xin: Damn intercom button always gets stuck.  Nothing, Commander. Lieutenant, plot our next jump, please.

Manon: I... uh... yes, Captain. Jump plotted.

Stardate: 21.58.122612

Xin Xin: Looks like we have another bit of a breather, ladies and gentlemen. Just an empty ore refinery at this beacon.

Ferry: I've been saving a bottle of wine, if you ladies would like to--

Manon: Uh, well, the Captain and I were going to--

Xin Xin: I'm going to check on Berko. Make sure he's... um... it's settling in all right.

Berko: All systems nominal.

Xin Xin: Well, can't be too safe. Manon, plot the next jump. I'll be back on the bridge in half an hour.

Ferry: Manon, would you care to--

Manon: No.

Stardate: 22.12.122612

Ferry: I've got a ship on sensors, Captain. Looks like an automated sentry. It's quiet at the moment. So, you know, we could take a break in my quarters...

[Silence]

Ferry: Captain?

Xin Xin: Ahem... Yes.  I'm on my way.

Berko: Berko is unsure what to do with this "cigarette".

Xin Xin: Uh... whatever you want, Berko.  I'll... uh.... call you.

Ferry: Oh COME ON... Are you shitting me?

Manon: Captain, I think the sentry may have data on board we could use. Should we attempt to hack it?

Xin Xin: Mm.  I've been having good luck with robots, lately.  Let's give it a shot.

Manon: Uh.... okay... Captain.... Hacking the systems now.... Oh.  YES! Got it.  We now have an accurate map of this sector of space. Also, we've managed to make off with one of its missiles, a drone part, and 11 tons of scrap!

Xin Xin: I love it when a machine does what I want.

Ferry: Oh, COME ON!

Berko: Berko feels funny.

Manon: I think I threw up a little in my mouth.  Plotting the next jump, Captain. I'd make sure our weapons are live when we exit hyperspace. According to our upgraded map, there's a good chance we'll have company.

Xin Xin: Right. Call me when we're about to drop into normal space. BERKO! Ready room.  Now!

Manon: But.... we.... hold meetings in there....... :C

Stardate: 21.45.122612

Manon: We've come out of hyperspace, Captain. Looks like slavers are off our port bow.

Xin Xin: Oh, really?  Let's beat the crap out of them. Maybe we'll pick up another one of them Engi.

Slaver: We have laborers "for sale", Captain. We give you good deal!

Xin Xin: Fire all salvos.  I hate slavers!

Ferry: Yeah, yeah.  Firing all weapons.

Manon: We've been hit!  Aft port hull has ruptured!

Xin Xin: Get those weapons firing, Commander!  Berko, get your sweet ass down there, and see if you can patch that hull! Hopefully that mechanical body can do more than-- well... you know.

Manon: Oh, God.

Ferry: We've taken their shields down, and their weapon systems are partially offline. You're welcome.

Xin Xin: What the Hell's the matter with you, Commander? Fire another volley. Lasers, only.

Ferry: Whatever the fuck you want, Captain.

Xin Xin: Excuse me?

Ferry: I'm pressing the button.  What else do you want from me?

Xin Xin: Just take them down.

Berko: Repairs complete. Does Captain require servicing, as well?

Xin Xin: Not now, Berko!  One more volley!

Ferry: We've breached their hull and just killed a fuckload of people, Captain.

Xin Xin: What's the matter with you?

Ferry: I... I'm sorry, Captain.... I'm just.... I'm just.... so... Your jumpsuits are just so... tight.

Manon: We've salvaged some fuel, a drone part and 28 tons of scrap, Captain.

Xin Xin: Great.  Commander, get a hold of yourself. Nobody likes a pantywaist. BE A MAN!

Ferry: *sigh* Yes, Captain.  That's what I was trying to do before you got a robot.

Berko: Berko needs a cigarette.

Manon: Good, God. Next jump plotted, Captain.

Stardate: 22.57.122612

Manon: Civilian ship off the starboard bow, Captain. They're under attack by a Rebel drone! Should we intervene, Captain?

Xin Xin: Affirmative. Target the drone's weapons, Commander! Let's save our missiles for meatier prey.

Ferry: Your slanty eyes are so fucking hot.

Xin Xin: Don't make me send Berko down to crush your scrotum, Commander.

Ferry: Aye, Captain, firing lasers.

Manon: Environmental systems have been hit, Captain! Our O2 system is down!

Xin Xin: BERKO!  Get your sweet ass down there!

Berko: Affirmative.

Xin Xin: Take them out, Commander!

Ferry: I'm working on it!

Xin Xin: You're not doing a very good job.

Ferry: I'm sorry!  It's hard to focus with all the estrogen around!

Berko: Oxygen reclamators repaired. Returning to shield systems.

Xin Xin: Fuck. Fire a missile at their weapons bay. I don't want them getting another missile off.

Ferry: I need to get my missile off.

Manon: Commander!  Please!

Ferry: Firing missile.

Manon: Too late!  They've taken out our door system.

Xin Xin: Understood. It's not critical. We'll ignore it, for now.

Ferry: Got 'em. Their weapons are disabled.

Xin Xin: Excellent. Take them apart.

Ferry: Aye, Capt-- AAH!

Xin Xin: Report!

Ferry: Our weapons bay has been hit!  Repairing, now, but we still have enough operational for another volley of lasers.

Xin Xin: Good. Are you injured?

Ferry: Only a lit-- I mean... OWWWww! Y... yes... My missile is all bent out of shape! It could use some straightening out........

Manon: Oh, God.

Xin Xin: Just destroy that ship, please.

Ferry: ... aye, Captain. Ship destroyed.

Manon: We've salvaged 3 fuel, a drone part, and 11 tons of scrap.

Xin Xin: Understood. Contacting the civilian ship.

Civilian Ship: Thank you for aiding us, Captain! We could never have made it otherwise! However, our ship has been badly damaged. Could you drop us off at the station near the planet?

Xin Xin: Certainly, Captain. We'll come along side momentarily for the transfer.

Oni: Captain, we appreciate the rescue, but our destination is not the nearby station. Though we are Mantis, we wish to stay on and aid your crew, at least for a while, if you will have ussss.

Xin Xin: I don't know...

Ferry: Is it a female?  

Xin Xin: I can't tell.

Ferry: Fuck it, let 'em on.

Xin Xin: You heard the man, Mantis. Welcome aboard. Can you fix the doors?

Oni: We are called "Oni". No, we cannot fix the doors, but we shall learn.

Xin Xin: Very well. Berko will help.

Berko: Affirmative.

Xin Xin: Meet me in my quarters after you're done, Berko.

Berko: Berko get cigarettes?

Xin Xin: Yes, Berko. Berko get cigarettes.

Ferry: Manon, would you like to--

Manon: No.

Stardate: 23.16.122612

Xin Xin: What have we here?  Looks like a damaged tradeship.

Manon: They're hailing us. Seems they need scrap to repair their ship and willing to trade some wares.

Xin Xin: Stock up on weapons, Commander. We're low on missiles. And see about fixing up a bit of our hull. I don't think we'll need anything else from them, at the moment.

Ferry: Aye, Captain. Uh... Captain?

Xin Xin: Yes, Commander?

Ferry: Can you... uh.... can you see if they have anything for my "condition"?

Xin Xin: ... What condition?

Ferry: I think it's called "blue balls", Captain.

Xin Xin: For the love of--

Manon: Course laid in, Captain.

Stardate: 23.16.122612

Manon: Dropping into normal space in 3... 2..... 1.... All systems nominal.

Xin Xin: I'm picking up something.

Ferry: Holy crap. That's a fire bomb, Captain.

Xin Xin: Reel it in!  This calls for a celebration... Berko! My quarters!

Berko: My servos need oiling, Captain.

Xin Xin: Ooooh. 

Manon: I think I'm just going to shut off my com for the rest of the trip.

Ferry: Please. Just jump us out of this sector.

Manon: Plotting jump to Zoltan space.

[Sector Jump Initiated]

The Impenetrable: Sector 1

Ship

Name: The Impenetrable
Class: Noether
Initial Weaponry: Ion Blaster x 2, Pike Beam

Crew

Captain: Sam (Zoltan)
Engineer: Stelly (Zoltan)
Gunnery: Vincent (Zoltan)

Captain's Log

Stardate: 01.02.122512

The Impenetrable is flying true. Though behind enemy lines, we are shipshape and all systems are green. Zoltan engineering has blessed us with the Zoltan shield, which absorbs any attack for a limited time and recharges on each FTL jump. Meanwhile, Zoltan charged physiology has blessed us with extra ship energy as our energy-based anatomies can keep our instruments powered even without the reactor.

We're in deep space, and at the moment, all is quiet. With Stelly manning the engines and Gunnery Sargent Vincent on the weapons, I feel confident we will reach Federation space with ease! We are currently preparing for our first jump. The spiral galaxy houses many jump beacons and though many beg for exploration, we must make sure to reach the galactic sector wormhole before the tidal wave of Rebel ships reaches us, or things will become much more difficult. That said, I've decided to head "south" toward the galactic center.

Stardate: 01.17.122512

The jump is complete, but we've detected an automated Rebel scout attacking a re-fueling outpost. Stelly is complaining that the engines don't have enough power, but after a jump, I tend to have no regard for the safety of my crew, so I just start punching the big red "fire" button. Apparently, according to Vincent, this lights up another red "fire" button on his console, which he just starts punching, as well.

I have Vincent aim the ion blasters at their weapons and shield bays while I order the pike beam to lance across as many of their bays as possible. It's imperative we disable their weapons before they cut through our Zoltan shield, since we don't yet have enough power to charge the normal shield array.

The ion blasts disable their shield and weapons systems, allowing the pike beam to slice through the hull with very little resistance. Immediately, the Rebel ship's engines, drive, shields, and weapons are off line.  Despite this, Stelly is still complaining, like a little bitch, from the engine bay. Something about our shields being down. I resist the urge to open the hull doors all the way to engineering just to shut him up.

Another blast from our pike beam completely destroys the enemy ship. Stelly sounds relieved. I ignore his cowardice and bring some fuel, drone parts, and scrap metal on board.

Fuel: +1
Drone Parts:+1
Scrap: +14

The outpost we saved, which I had completely forgotten about in my blood-lust, generously gifts us with more equipment.

Missiles: +2
Drone Parts: +1
Scrap: +18

I order the scrap piled up between Stelly and the intercom in the engine bay in hopes that I won't have to hear the pantywaist's complaining. He's still going on about the lack of shields!  Idiot.

Systems show green. It's time for the next jump toward home.

Stardate: 01.43.122512

We've jumped in even closer to the galactic core, at the edge of an asteroid field. Still seeing red from the jump, I decide to forge forward into the field to see if we can find any useful materials. Stelly's muffled protests echo out from behind the pile of scrap, but I'm too FTL drunk to listen. I hit the impulse thrusters and dive into the field. 

I find myself cackling out loud as we discover what seems to be the remains of a ship. 

Missiles: +3

Scrap: +22

My only regret is that we didn't find anything to shoot. I think I hear Stelly sobbing from his corner of the ship, but I can't hear it clearly over the growing pile of scrap.

No sign of pursuit by the Rebels, yet, so I choose a lateral jump.

Stardate: 01.43.122512

I'm never going to hear the end of this one. We jump into a system with a class M super-giant spewing intermittent solar flares. Unfortunately, we're attacked by a pirate before our FTL drives can spin up. 

Of course, still punchy from the jump, I order immediate engagement by continuously punching the fire button.

Either Stelly wis screaming like a Zoltan birthspark or the pile of scrap in his bay is shifting. Either way, it is annoying, but our weapons fire soon drowns it out.

I have Vincent once again target their engines and shields with the ion disruptor blasts while aiming the pike beam to arc clear across the ship from bow to stern. With imminent solar flares on the way, even through my bloodlusty eyes, I know we have to end this quickly and jump out as soon as possible.

I am certain this has nothing to do with attempting to maintain the fading FTL high.  

After only a single volley, the pirates call to surrender.  No surprise, as we had knocked out nearly everything, including their navigation, oxygen, shields, engines and weapons. Unfortunately, the FTL high still has me seeing red, so...

Fuck 'em. I continue hitting the fire button.

To Stelly's rather justified dismay, the raging solar flare hits us just as we take the enemy ship apart.  

Our sensors go down immediately, so I know we have fires on board. I quickly order atmosphere to be vented to our door and sensor control bays in order to extinguish the flames in vacuum. Except the door controls are broken. We will have to take care of the fires manually.

Without hesitation, I order Stelly to put the fires out and, in a fit of confusion, order myself to do the same.  Deep down inside, I must have a very warm soft spot for Vincent.

The bastard isn't fast enough. Another flare hits us, cutting off our oxygen systems, just as we repair the door controls. This is bad. Quickly, I send Stelly back in with Vincent's help.

They are unable to put the fire out and get O2 back online before I se their health starting to redline. I order them out to the sick bay to heal up before taking another run at it.

Another flare.  Too late. We have to jump out.  I jump us back to our previous sector, knowing it to be safe. I'm a freaking genius.  Better get that O2 back on line before we go anywhere else, though. Once again, I order Stelly and Vincent to repair the environmental controls.

Unluckily for them, however, I doze off.

And awaken to notice that though they've managed to repair the O2 converters, they've asphyxiated from lack of oxygen in the bay.

This mission hasn't gone well. I don't feel much remorse for Stelly, but Vincent was a good guy. Either way, though, now, I'm alone.

At least Stelly's shut the fuck up.

I manage to get all the systems back online, by myself.  However, now, without the help of the other two, I'm in a bit of trouble, as their charged physiologies had helped keep all the systems powered. Things are looking bleak. Nothing left to do but key in the next jump, I suppose.

Stardate: 02.03.122512

I see a Rebel space station with an automated sentry ship. I should probably get my condition looked at next time I'm at a med station. This red-war haze is going to get me killed.

Even with two crewmen down, I decide to transfer controls of engineering and weapons to the bridge. This makes response time slower, but there's nothing to be done for it but attack.

I swear I hear Stelly continuing to scream at me through the intercom. That's impossible, though.

Right?

Fortunately, the sentry has no shields. A few blasts from the pike beam disintegrates it, and I salvage the leftovers. I'm going to need all the help I can get, after all, piloting this crate by myself.

Fuel: +2

Missiles: +2

Scrap: +33

As I reach for the FTL controls, I hear Stelly calling me a lucky idiot. It must be my imagination. Has to be.

I mean, the asshole is dead. And assholes don't come back from the dead, do they?  

The long range scanners show me a distress beacon and a nearby trade station. The station might have available crew to hire. Maybe if I can add another crew member, Stelly will stop talking to me.

I decide to jump for the trade station.

Stardate: 02.03.122512

Unfortunately, no crew is available at the station, which turns out to be a crippled ship trying to trade equipment for scrap.  I ask them if they can hear Stelly, but they just look at me like I am wearing a mantis on my head. It takes a lot to resist turning the pike beam on and strafing it across their faces.

Instead, I inspected their wares. Without a crew, it looks mostly useless, to me. Especially the crew teleporter. 

The crewman that shows it to me trails off awkwardly in mid-pitch.  

It takes a lot to resist shooting him in the genitals.

I decide on a simple minor hull repair before disengaging with the useless trade ship and heading for the next jump beacon.

Stardate: 02.15.122512

A planet!  Thank goodness. I decided to beam down in hopes that Stelly's nagging voice will stay behind on the ship. 

I find a cave with a crazy life form in it. Seems he's been down there for a while. I decide to invite him on board.

What can go wrong?

Well, he died on the way up.  I eject him into the atmosphere of the planet because he's starting to smell.  Worse than he already did.

Stelly welcomes me home. I can't believe he's even more annoying after death than before. Not even a face to punch for relief.

Time to jump, again.

Stardate: 02.19.122512

Stelly's screaming in my ear, again, as I drop out of hyperspace, right into the clutches of a Rebel ship. 

I start tapping the fire button, furiously. I'm starting to hate this ship.  "Impenetrable", my ass.

I aim my remaining ion blaster at their weapons systems and set the pike beam arc to once again take out as many systems as possible.

Things don't start out well. Both shots missed, but I hear a missile hit the hull. Nothing ruptures, but shields go down completely. I redirect the ion blast at their shields in hopes that the pike beam can actually do some damage.

The next missile hits the bridge.  I'm on fire! I ignore the pain and quickly attempt to put the fire out while hoping the automated targeting system would keep them from firing that blasted missile launcher again.

Explosions are going off everywhere, now. I'm badly injured and the medical bay is on fire. I'm venting it out, but I don't think I'll survive this. Everything's down, now.

I hate you, Stelly. Death will be welcome, after having known you, you filthy bastard.

You------ 

[end of file]