Stardate: 07.50.12272012
Manon: We've resolved into normal space, Captain. Confirmed that we are in Zoltan space.
Xin Xin: Excellent. Maybe we'll be able to find more crew, here. An energy being like a Zoltan might have some uniquely electrifying.... talents.
Manon: What is going on here? I've plotted our next jump, Captain.
Stardate: 07.52.12272012
Oni: We are being hailed, Captain...
Zoltan Research Station: Greetings, Captain. My name is Doctor Stelly. You seem to have traveled quite a long way. Is your crew well?
Xin Xin: I think so, Doctor. Except for Ferry. He seems to be crying a lot, lately.
Doc Stelly: Oh? Perhaps it is a side effect of stasis during prolonged FTL travel? We excel in that area of research and would be happy to run some scans on your crew.
Xin Xin: I don't know...
Manon: YES PLEASE.
Doc Stelly: Excellent. Please initiate docking procedure. We shall commence the non-invasive scans, immediately.
[Time passes]
Xin Xin: Well, that was painless.
Manon: What were the results, Doctor?
Doc Stelly: Oh, there are no results, as yet, Lieutenant. I'm afraid we are simply collecting data to sift through at a later time. Here's a bunch of scrap for your troubles, however.
Manon: Damn it. I was hoping... (whispering) is it possible that hyperspace travel can make humans... randy?
Doc Stelly: Oh, it's entirely possible. We have no idea whether it's true or not, yet, but yes, it's entirely possible.
Manon: Let's get out of here, Captain. Course plotted.
Stardate: 07.52.12272012
Ferry: Mantis scout off our port bow!
Oni: WARNING! We have been boarded. Moving to intercept.
Xin Xin: Berko, stand by to support Oni if necessary. Commander, take them down!
Ferry: Aye, Captain!
Xin Xin: Damn, they've teleported to the bridge! I need some help, here! Falling back to the observation deck.
Ferry: On my way, Captain!
Manon: We're hit! Engines are down!
Xin Xin: Oni, fall back to the med bay! Keep those weapons online!
Manon: I've got partial engines...!
Xin Xin: Ow... Everyone, fall back to the med bay! The nanobots will keep us healed until we can fight these bastards off!
Manon: I could use a hand back here!
Berko: Berko is on his way.
Ferry: Manon! I swear... if I survive this, I will bear your children!
Manon: It doesn't work that way, you asshole!
Xin Xin: GOT 'EM! Squashed those bastards. All right, heal up and everyone get back to your stations. Let's finish that ship off!
Berko: Systems are critical. 20% operational.
Xin Xin: Uh... does that include your lower half?
Manon: Fix the bridge, Captain!
Xin Xin: Oh. Of course. Berko, get healed up and meet me on the bridge!
Ferry: Their weapons are down. Wait. We've got 'em!
Xin Xin: Well done, people. That was a close one. Status?
Manon: All systems are back online. I have a couple of scrapes and bruises, but I'll survive. The ship's hull is down to about 80%, but everything seems intact.
Ferry: I can give you a little sexual healing, if you'd--
Manon: Heading to sick bay. Course plotted, Captain. We've also salvaged a missile, a drone part, and 27 tons of scrap.
Xin Xin: Excellent. Laying in cou-- Where are you going, Berko?
Berko: The bridge has been repaired, Captain. Berko is returning to shield ops.
Xin Xin: Oh... But I have something ELSE for you to repair... Right here.
Oni: Captain... Manon is repeatedly stabbing herself in sickbay.
Stardate: 08.13.12272012
Manon: There's a trading station off our port bow, Captain. They're hailing us.
Xin Xin: On screen.
Trade Station: Greetings! Oh, humans! Mostly... Welcome! We have crew available as well as some weapons. And it looks like your ship could use a bit of patching up. Docking bay 3 is open and waiting.
Xin Xin: Acknowledged. Let's see what they have, people.
Manon: Hmm, we are being approached by a Rockman, a slug, and a Zoltan, Captain. Seems they seek crew work.
Xin Xin: Mmm. The Zoltan should be useful. We'll put her on shields.
Berko: But Berko is--
Xin Xin: Don't worry, Berko, we'll find... SOMETHING for you to do.
Manon: This is just highly inappropriate.
Xin Xin: Commander, make sure we stock up on some missiles. We're too low on scrap for any hull repair, at the moment. We'll be all right for a while, yet. All right, back to the ship. Let's get out of here.
Manon: Course laid in, Captain.
Stardate: 08.18.12272012
Manon: We've resolved into normal-- Captain! We're under attack by a Zoltan pirate!
Xin Xin: Blast. Their Zoltan shields will be a problem. Take it down! See if our Fire Bombs can penetrate!
Ferry: It's armed to the teeth, Captain!
Xin Xin: All crew, brace for impact. Mara, let's see how you do with shield ops.
Mara: Yes, Captain.
Manon: we've taken a hit to our port side! Hull is intact.
Xin Xin: Take that Zoltan shield down!
Ferry: Aye, Captain! Firing.
Manon: Ahh! Our engines have taken a hit!
Ferry: Are you all right, gorgeous?
Manon: Shut the fuck up. Berko, get down here, help me fix this thing.
Berko: Yes, Lieutenant.
Ferry: Their shields are down!
Xin Xin: Launch an Artemis into their weapons bay! I don't want it firing too many more of those rockets!
Ferry: Targeting now, Captain.
Xin Xin: INCOMING ROCKET! BRACE FOR IMPACT! Taking evasive action!
Manon: It's missed us... Nice flying, Captain!
Ferry: O2 systems have been ionized. Should be back online in two seconds!
Xin Xin: Acknowledged.
Ferry: Direct hit on their shields and weapons. Redirecting lasers at their weapons bay.
Xin Xin: Take them down!
Manon: Medical bay's been hit! Berko, you're done, here... get over to sickbay!
Berko: Understood.
Ferry: Got 'em! Collecting salvage.
Manon: We've got 2 tons of fuel, a drone part, and 25 ton of scrap!
Ferry: Let's celebrate in my room! That's not a fire control key in my pants... I'm just really happy to see you!
Manon: Please, stop. I'm going to medical bay to get these cuts looked at.
Berko: Repairs complete.
Manon: OH... Berko. I didn't know you were still here.
Berko: Affirmative. Returning to bridge.
Manon: Oh, my.... he DOES have a nice ass.
Xin Xin: Picking up a distress signal. Plotting jump coordinates myself, on this one.
Stardate: 07.52.12272012
Xin Xin: God damnit! Asteroid belt!
Ferry: Two ships battling in the distance, Captain... A Zoltan and a Mantis!
Zoltan Ship: Your presence here will continue to be tolerated, but please do not interfere, Captain.
Xin Xin: Hmm. Probably not a good idea to get involved. Though the salvage might help us in the long run. I don't like fighting it out in the middle of an asteroid field, though. We've only got one shield layer, after all. We're jumping out. Lieutenant, plot a course.
Manon: Aye, Captain. Drives are spooling.
Xin Xin: Let's hope one of those rocks don't make it past our shield.
Manon: No such luck! We've been hit! Our Oxygen Reclamators are on fire!
Xin Xin: Berko, Oni, get down there! I'm jumping us out, NOW!
Stardate: 08.34.12272012
Station: Captain! We will trade you drone for fuel, if--
Xin Xin: Not now, we have a crisis on board! And we don't need drone parts!
Station: No need to be rude. Geez.
Berko: Fire extinguished. Repairs complete.
Xin Xin: Whew. Nice work. Get to med bay and heal up. We'll wait for O2 to return to 100% before jumping out. Plot a course, Lieutenant.
Manon: (cough cough) Aye, Captain.
Ferry: Sounds like a bad cough, Manon. Why don't you let me coat your throat with a little something-something?
Manon: You're a pig.
Ferry: Please?
Oni: We are healed. We will keep you company, Commander.
Ferry: Wait, what?
Stardate: 22.52.12272012
Manon: We're back in normal space. Being hailed by a Zoltan security checkpoint!
Xin Xin: Way out here?
Zoltan Checkpoint: Travelling vessel, you will submit to crew profiling to identify fugitives of the empire.
Xin Xin: You're kidding me.
Manon: What should we do, Captain?
Xin Xin: If it were our own system, I'd throw a fit, but considering we're in the Zoltan system, I'd rather not start an intergalactic incident. Prepare for profiling, folks.
Manon: I don't really like where this is going, Captain.
Xin Xin: Try to stay calm.
Zoltan Security: This person is wanted on five charges of Utter Villainy! Surrender them to us!
Xin Xin: Shiiiiit.
Ferry: Captain....?!?
Xin Xin: I'm not letting them take Berko! To arms!
Ferry: Are you shitting me!? He's just a robot!
Manon: They've teleported crew on board and sabotaged our weapons systems!
Xin Xin: Damnit, Commander, if you hadn't been whinging, you could've spotted it! Fire whatever we got on that thing... Buy us time until we can jump out. And get these bastards off my ship!
[Sounds of fighting]
Oni: Boarding party hassss been terminated.
Xin Xin: Good. Prepare to jump out as soon as the engines spool up!
Manon: Working on it, Captain!
Ferry: O2 reclamators have been taken out!
Xin Xin: Berko, do me proud, and you'll get a little extra sumpin' sumpin' tonight.
Berko: Affirmative, Captain.
Manon: Course plotted!
Xin Xin: Getting us out of here! Full burn!
Stardate: 23.03.12272012
Manon: We've dropped into a nebula, Captain.
Xin Xin: Looks safe. For now.
Ferry: I don't suppose you ladies would like to--
Manon: I'm attracted to women.
Xin Xin: I have a talking dildo.
Ferry: I hate all of you.
Manon: Jump plotted.
Stardate: 23.16.12272012
Manon: We're in-- We've got trouble, Captain! We're being hailed by a Zoltan ship. They're under attack and requesting assistance.
Xin Xin: Fine. Let's see how they do against us when our weapons aren't half crippled! Moving to intercept.
Manon: Enemy ship is now on an intercept course. The Zoltan ship that hailed us has jumped out! Cowards!
Ferry: We'll have to cut through their Zoltan shields, first.
Xin Xin: Do it!
Manon: We've taken a couple of glancing blows. Hull down to 50%.
Xin Xin: Commander?
Ferry: Zoltan shields down!
Xin Xin: Good, take out their weapons as quickly as you can!
Ferry: Aye, Captain. All batteries targeted on their weapons array.
Ferry: AHH! I'm hit! Lasers are down!
Xin Xin: I'll send Berko in to help with repairs... Hit them with the rockets!
Ferry: Got 'em! But I think they got off another volley!
Xin Xin: Brace for impact!
Manon: Minimal damage!
Ferry: Weapons back online!
Xin Xin: Excellent. Arm lasers. Take them out. Save our missiles if you can.
Ferry: Aye, Captain. Firing.
Xin Xin: Almost.
Ferry: One more volley should do it!
Xin Xin: They're breaking up. Nice shot, Commander.
Manon: We've managed to salvage 3 tons of fuel, a drone part, and 32 tons of scrap.
Xin Xin: Excellent.
Ferry: Whew. I guess thanks are in order, Berko.
Berko: This unit simply performs as directed.
Ferry: Mm, yes, I can see that.
Berko: Does Commander Ferry require servicing?
Ferry: Well, I would-- wait, I thought you were male?
Berko: This unit has no gender, but is built to accommodate organics as needed.
Ferry: You mean you can switch-- WHOA.
Berko: This unit is prepared for servicing.
Ferry: You mean, I can just put it in-- ooh.
Xin Xin: Berko! Where are you?
Ferry: Uh... Berko is... um.... still working on repairs, Captain.
Xin Xin: Oh, fine.
Berko: Berko gets cigarette?
Stardate: 23.32.12272012
Manon: We've found the exit beacon from this sector, Captain.
Xin Xin: Understood. Prepare for jump.
Manon: There's an abandoned space station, out there, Captain. Looks like some equipment we can use.
Xin Xin: Very well, bring it on board. What've we got?
Manon: 14 tons of scrap and an Anti-Ship drone, Captain!
Xin Xin: Not bad. Commander, we'll have to nab a drone bay at the next station.
[Silence]
Xin Xin: Commander?
Oni: The Commander isss otherwise occupied, Captain.
Xin Xin: With... what? All he does is press random buttons on the weapons console.
Oni: Thiss one is not sssure.
Xin Xin: Never mind. Let's get out of this sector.
[Sector Jump Initiated]
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